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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Romance Novel by P.J. Jones

Romance Novel by P.J. Jones
Publisher: P.J. Jones
Genre: Contemporary
Length: Short Story (75 pages)
Heat Level: Sweet
Rating: 5 books
Reviewed by Orchid

Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire.

When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband.

Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell

Disco music and dancing prevent any future happiness for Smella and Deadwood.

Romance Novel is exactly what the title promises, and more so. The story is a parody of every romance novel with a hero, heroine and minor characters all struggling to find their place.

Smella Rosepetal is a virgin looking for a rich husband. Not for herself but to enable her baby to have a life saving operation (see the confusion - a virgin with a baby?). She leaves little Joshua or Adam or Austin (his name changes every time he’s mentioned) with her best friend Ebony while she returns to her home town to seek out the richest man she can find.

Her hometown is either in Australia or Texas - I could never figure out which. Here she has a choice of men. The first is her childhood sweetheart Snake, who is broke and has an awesome secret. Another prospective husband is Deadward Forest a strange, pasty faced rich man who steals Smella’s heart. Murder and mayhem happen whenever Smella passes by but she is serene in the knowledge she’s the heroine and lives without fear. Because Smella knows the hero always rescues the heroine in the nick of time.

Romance Novel is hilarious. It takes a normal romantic story and accentuates all the bits that are not usually mentioned. Question: How could a virgin have a baby? Answer: Because she needed a baby for the plot.

Ms. Jones plays on these anomalies all the way through the book, and these provide a funny, well thought out book. Add to this the lack of sporty, rich vehicles, men with fabulous bodies, heroines with brains and you have an ideal romantic novel, or at least a parody of one.

By the time I finished reading my sides were aching with laughter. Well done Ms. Jones, you really made my day.